On my 25th birthday in June 2010 we found out we were pregnant with our first. We prepared everything for the arrival of our son Alexander Michael. On February 8, 2011 our hearts were broken when a week and a day before Alexander was due we were told that he had no heartbeat. Alexander was silently born on February 10, 2011 he weighed 6 lbs 10 oz, was 20 inches long, had sandy brown hair and really big feet. We love him and miss him dearly. This is my place for reflection on my life since his birth. We are currently expecting a rainbow baby named Oliver, a little brother due Sept 21, 2012. I love both my boys, the one who paints the clouds and my rainbow growing in my womb, tremendously and I thank God for blessing me with both of them everyday.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Whats is a Name?

 My post this week comes out of a blog prompt from Sufficient Grace Ministries.

When we found out Alexander was indeed a boy, right around 17 weeks, we had a girl name picked out and a boy's middle name. Now we actually had to figure out a boys name. We had a few that we were thinking about.

We were beginning to settle on a name and I got a feeling that if we named him we wouldn't get to keep him. I thought it was completely irrational but it put off deciding on an official name for several weeks. We continued to talk and eventually settled upon Alexander Michael but I still wouldn't make it official. I convinced myself I was being completely irrational and that we had already decided a name anyway. The feeling had pretty much gone away although the nagging thought that we wouldn't be able to keep him whether we named him or not did arise on occasion.

Whatever my nagging feelings were our baby had a name. Alexander because it was a name we liked, Michael because its a family name on both sides. Alexander meaning "Defender of Mankind", Michael meaning  "Who is like God?" Really this sweet boy who was here for a far to short amount of time has taught me so much about what it means to minister to and defend mankind, especially our gentle fragile hearts and he has taught me about God. Because really, who is like God?  No one else understands why things happen and no one else ensures things work out for good. No one else can give us an unexplainable peace when the world is crashing down around us. Who is like God? No one.

For his birthday this past weekend we asked friends and family to write notes letting us know what Alexander's short life had taught us. This is an excerpt from what one dear friend wrote:

You share the name of Alexander the Great, conqueror of nations and philosopher warrior; Michael, a mighty guardian of God's people; and the Greatest of all, the name of your family, loyal and loving friends.
Your life however breif, was not without meaning. You touched my heart, reminding me of life's frailty and beauty. You helped me to realize that even death itself is not an end, but a new begining. Your name, your memory, endures as a constant reminder of the many blessings we are each given daily and the beautiful conundrum that life really is.
Your life is an enduring blessing in mine and I look forward to when we next meet. Thank you Alexander. You are a conqueror and guardian of our hearts, and our friend.

And its true Alexander is the conqueror and defender of many hearts, mine included.
taken by a different dear friend in Scotland


  1. I cried when I saw what David wrote about Alexander. He has a special way with words and it was very fitting for such a special boy.

    1. He sure does have a way with words. Both of your letters brought tears to my eyes.

  2. Hi Megan I found you from walking with you. I love your sweet boys name, and the meaning are wonderful. I recently gave birth to our stillborn son at 20 weeks. I have great faith in God but it has been one of the biggest trials of my life. Thank you for sharing it's nice to know we are not alone in our grief. The beach picture of his name is AMAZING!