On my 25th birthday in June 2010 we found out we were pregnant with our first. We prepared everything for the arrival of our son Alexander Michael. On February 8, 2011 our hearts were broken when a week and a day before Alexander was due we were told that he had no heartbeat. Alexander was silently born on February 10, 2011 he weighed 6 lbs 10 oz, was 20 inches long, had sandy brown hair and really big feet. We love him and miss him dearly. This is my place for reflection on my life since his birth. We are currently expecting a rainbow baby named Oliver, a little brother due Sept 21, 2012. I love both my boys, the one who paints the clouds and my rainbow growing in my womb, tremendously and I thank God for blessing me with both of them everyday.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Happy Birthday Baby Boy

It's Alexander's first birthday. We should be introducing him to cake and helping him open presents. Instead he is playing under the throne of God and probably keeping some saints and angels pretty busy. Could you imagine heaven without children? I sure can't. They are one of the most pure beautiful things we have in this world. Yes they are a load of trouble, but trouble that most people will willing deal with just for a goofy smile or a hug.

 Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14 

I know Alexander is happy and being taken care of and I find peace in that. I miss him more than anything and long for the time when I will be able to see a goofy grin of his and give him a great big hug. I thought this day would be harder but it isn't, partially because I know my baby is safe and will never feel sorrow or pain.

We have had some neat things happening around here lately that remind me of Alexander, daffodils are sprouting,

skies are beautiful (my boy paints them so beautifully),

mystery plants turn out to be daffodils, and birds are singing. 

We have a hawk nest in the neighborhood. When those momma and daddy hawks are there those babies are so loud. When the parents are not there the babies are silent. Do you notice that we can cry out to God whenever we want as loud as we want, because our heavenly father is always there. He is the one who brings us ultimate peace.
Its hard too see but if you look in the middle of the tree you can see the nest and momma hawk.

For now I hold peace in my heart and visions of my babe playing in heaven, painting the sky for me in my head, while I look toward the day when I can join him and embrace my savior, my son, and my other loved ones who live in glory.

Until then we will remember and celebrate that sweet boy's life every year. That short little life who has touched so many in ways I'm aware of and ways I am unaware of. If the many random acts of kindness being committed today in his memory is all he has accomplished with his life that is more than many lives accomplish with much more time spent on this earth.

"I will go to him, but he will not return to me.” 2 Samuel 12:23b

I love you Alexander. Thank you for everything you have taught me and will teach me about love and life. Happy Birthday Sweet Boy.


  1. Love you tons Megan.. Happy Birthday to the sweetest of all little boys in Heaven! Keep painting the sky and sending us daffodils for us little one!