On my 25th birthday in June 2010 we found out we were pregnant with our first. We prepared everything for the arrival of our son Alexander Michael. On February 8, 2011 our hearts were broken when a week and a day before Alexander was due we were told that he had no heartbeat. Alexander was silently born on February 10, 2011 he weighed 6 lbs 10 oz, was 20 inches long, had sandy brown hair and really big feet. We love him and miss him dearly. This is my place for reflection on my life since his birth. We are currently expecting a rainbow baby named Oliver, a little brother due Sept 21, 2012. I love both my boys, the one who paints the clouds and my rainbow growing in my womb, tremendously and I thank God for blessing me with both of them everyday.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Expecting a Rainbow

What is a rainbow?
It is understood that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages 
of any storm. When a rainbow appears, it does not mean that the storm never happened  
or that we are not still dealing with its aftermath. It means that 
something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness  
and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover, but the rainbow provides a  
counterbalance of color, energy and hope.
We are pregnant again! Alexander has a little brother or sister currently growing in my tummy right now.

We had our first appointment today, and baby Olive is doing fine, measuring at 9 weeks and 3 days with a heart rate of 172 beats per min.

We are calling the baby Olive. We started calling the baby by whatever my phone app said it was the size of in a given week, blueberry, raspberry, olive, etc. Well this week the baby is the size of a prune and I refuse to call a child a prune. Also the letters in Olive can be rearranged to "I love" and has the word "live" in it. So until we know this baby's gender its name is Olive.

I'll admit I've been pretty anxious, especially the last few days. I now know pregnancy doesn't always end with a baby coming home and its scary. Alexander's birthday just passed with all the emotions and memories along with it and I have pregnancy hormones in my system. I've already been so emotional missing Alexander while having cautious hope and joy for Olive. But ultimately it is out of my control. This child, like every child on this planet belongs to God. Olive is God's baby. I'm hoping that God's plan is for Olive to be born and grow up to do work on earth, but I know that no matter what Olive's future is I already love this little life growing inside me.

 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

You can see Olive's head and body and little limb buds. I love the top left picture where it looks like Olive is waving.

Olive isn't a replacement for Alexander but a new addition to this little family of mine. I do and always will miss my baby boy. He's a big brother now and I know that thrills him to pieces. We are a family of 4 now, three on earth one in heaven.

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today. ~Stacia Tauscher

 I will cherish all the time I have with you sweet baby Olive.

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