On my 25th birthday in June 2010 we found out we were pregnant with our first. We prepared everything for the arrival of our son Alexander Michael. On February 8, 2011 our hearts were broken when a week and a day before Alexander was due we were told that he had no heartbeat. Alexander was silently born on February 10, 2011 he weighed 6 lbs 10 oz, was 20 inches long, had sandy brown hair and really big feet. We love him and miss him dearly. This is my place for reflection on my life since his birth. We are currently expecting a rainbow baby named Oliver, a little brother due Sept 21, 2012. I love both my boys, the one who paints the clouds and my rainbow growing in my womb, tremendously and I thank God for blessing me with both of them everyday.

Friday, June 15, 2012

A Special Appriciation

I am truly enjoy this pregnancy. Yes there are fears and physical discomforts but being pregnant after a loss really makes you appreciate every tiny little movement and pregnancy symptom. It makes all those expectations of what your child will be like go away, because all you care about now is getting to take your baby home from the hospital at the end of your pregnancy.

I love this little boy so much, my tinny womb resident. I had fear that finding out my rainbow was a boy would mean that I wouldn't love him as much as Alexander. But I love Oliver just as much. I love every little kick and wiggle. I love how he squirms happily when he hears loud explosions when I'm watching movies. (He is such a boy already.) I love how he kicks to music with a good beat. I may have a tiny musician on my hands. I love how he doesn't like to show his face on the ultrasound. Oliver has his own distinct personality already.
Almost to the third trimester. I'm starting to get a wee bit impatient to meet this little guy.

I still miss Alexander. He should be a 16 month old toddler running around and getting into everything. I'm sad that Oliver won't have his big brother to play with growing up. Having Oliver in my womb does take some of the edge off the pain of not having Alexander in my arms.I have hope for this new little life. I know Oliver will accomplish big things. I have no idea what those things may be, but I'm looking forward to finding out.


  1. I'm so glad that you are loving this pregnancy. I totally agree with what you said about how your previous loss strips away all those previous worries to the one really important thing -- a healthy, living baby in your arms. I feel the same way, and am in love with my little guy. Can't wait to meet our boys!

  2. I'm so blessed to read your words, and that you are enjoying your gorgeous little man inside. It can be a really different experience after losing a precious child, but still so much a miraculous journey. Love to you and your boys xx

  3. I am so glad you are rejoicing in Oliver! Praying for him and you. {Alexander} :)