On my 25th birthday in June 2010 we found out we were pregnant with our first. We prepared everything for the arrival of our son Alexander Michael. On February 8, 2011 our hearts were broken when a week and a day before Alexander was due we were told that he had no heartbeat. Alexander was silently born on February 10, 2011 he weighed 6 lbs 10 oz, was 20 inches long, had sandy brown hair and really big feet. We love him and miss him dearly. This is my place for reflection on my life since his birth. We are currently expecting a rainbow baby named Oliver, a little brother due Sept 21, 2012. I love both my boys, the one who paints the clouds and my rainbow growing in my womb, tremendously and I thank God for blessing me with both of them everyday.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

An Ending & A Beginning

Everything in our lives has a beginning and an ending, the year, the seasons, our lives. Alexander's life began in the couple weeks leading up to my 25th birthday and ended too early sometime during the 38th week of pregnancy. As 2011 comes to a close so does the time I set aside in my life for grief. Will my grief of loosing Alexander follow me through out my life? Yes. Is it time to begin anew? Yes.

As I begin this blog at the close of this year, a year that like every year began in hope and ends in hope, I hold on to the hope that by this time next year I'll be rocking a rainbow baby in my arms. A rainbow brings beautiful light to counter balance the beautiful darkness of storms. Before you get all excited, no I'm not pregnant, but I do hope to be in the coming year. I know this new journey that I hope for will be full of challenges and fears but also full of hopes and dreams and joys. A journey with a new child that I resolve to cherish for however long I have with him or her.

Before I can arrive at this new beginning I need to get through this ending; a holiday season without the baby that should be experiencing Christmas for the first time; a first birthday for the little boy who isn't here.

Please join me by reading about my endings, beginnings and my experiences of being a mommy to a baby who paints the clouds.

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